….. i have to let it go…
I love this place but it is about time. I don’t want to stuck here doing something which not lead me to somewhere, which is more promising to my future. Especially when my heart is full with emptiness……….
Yes, I have tender my resignation ……………
Maafkan aku, Tuhan
Atas dosa yang pernah aku lakukan
Sungguh takkan aku nafikan
Yang kadang aku sering mengalpakan
Suruhanmu
Dan mengerjakan
Laranganmu….
Maafkan aku, mak ayah
Atas silap yang pernah aku adakan
Sungguh bukan niatku
Khianati rasa percaya itu
Atau ingin menjarakkan kasih
Yang ada antara kita
Cuma kadang aku
Tidak mampu bertahan
Dan terus bertahan…..
Maafkan aku, teman
Atas keterbatasan masa
Yang dapat kita luangkan bersama
Atas ingatan yang sering terlupa
Sungguh kadang aku tak mampu
Penuhi apa mahumu dariku
Namun hanya satu aku ingin kalian tahu
Kalian tetap kawan ketawaku, sahabat tangisku, teman sejiwaku,
Hingga saatnya nanti
Aku mati…
Ya well… at last i reach this age. New front number – 3! (Hope this will be the lucky number..)
Thanks God - make me still breathing. Thanks mak n ayah for being my parents. Thanks to my brothers n sisters to accept me as ur sister (they have to.. what to do.. hehe). Thanks to unties n uncles, kazens and all other families and relatives for whatever I should be thank for. To my friends, who always be at my side when I need them… who can’t always be at my side.. also thank you so much because still consider me as a friend… (i understand that we can’t be like before). To my coll at work, Thank you to you all too… (for the birthday celebration – in advance.. hehe). To anyone who know me. To them who wish me. Thank you…
If only I can choose a life. I will still choose this one. Eventhough I have to been through all the failures & frustration in life, I am still good because all of you still be around me…
Love u all… Muahhh… Muahhh…
I don’t mean to be rude but that question is always been asked to God by me.
Why?
Before I answer that, let me explain about myself.
I know that i am not a good person and not even perfect. But I do try to be the good one. I never give up to be that kind of person eventhough sometimes I just take it easy or sometimes I forget about it.
Ok. My answer is as folllows. (Note : This kind of feeling is never ever been expressed before in my blog and this is not to get sympathy from anyone. It just that I want to get some strength by writing something)
Aku bercinta dah banyak kali. OK, lets count the official relationship i had (siap ada yg tak official tu.. haha). Errmmm.. that boy… that guy.. plus that man… errmm… TIGA jerr.. Ok, not official . (note: my unofficial relationship is refer to the relationship yg baru2 nak jadik.. ada bunga2 dah jadik & actually ianya sudah terjadik tanpa disedari… but then bila sedar2.. ianya dah tak jadik.. hehe) Errmm.. well… dlm 10??? Duhh… But this doesn’t mean that i am easily or desperately falling in love but i just want to take the risk and be positive in love. Unfortunately… all of them is not my destiny which i thought they were at the beginning of those love dramas. And the most horrible part is I am always be the one who has been dumped. Pathetic, huh..?
Well… When all the dumping scene happen, everyone near me and even mysely will say that he is not the right 1 for me. I will meet HIM one day. And everytime I meet some1 new, I wll give him and the relationship chance to grow. But towards the end, the ending will be the same ending as the previous relationship. Reason given? Various… and most alike is they usually have someone else and will choose her rather than me.
All these make me think, what is actually wrong with me? Is that a ‘reward’ that i should receive for the sins that I have done? Hmm.. I just take it as “YES”
Don’t tell me that God actually have Plan for me because I already knew that answer. Only that when the same thing keep on happening to me… it makes me really give up & hopeless with my relationship life. Thats all.
I tell myself that I will recover from my current broken heart soon.
Till that time… just let me be….
nisajay11